party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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