I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
