Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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