I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
