I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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