it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
