he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
