he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
