sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
