I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
