I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
