So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
