I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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