I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
