Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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