so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I could make wine with my vomit
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
