He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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