He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
