Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
