I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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