Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
