thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
