He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
