I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
