Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
