Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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