but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
