OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
