I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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