dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize