Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize