We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
