how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to calm my uterus...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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