yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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