Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
