Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
