Don't make out with my wife yet
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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