if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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