We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
