Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
