you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
