honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
