She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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