Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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