Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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