spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
