Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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