Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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