I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
