plz talk dirty to me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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