Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
