I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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