the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
