ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
