Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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