I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was like getting head from an anaconda
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
