I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
