also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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