Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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