Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
