tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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