well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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