Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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