I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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