youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize