when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
