It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
