I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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