He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
