I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
