wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize