I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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