And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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